the29thbeing happy is like painting a target on your chest and taunting the firing squad
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Original: 9/3/2007 12:08 AM
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Monday, September 03, 2007

i've held on to the idea of crying for someone specific for much too long

 I've seen you be selfish, mean, petty, angry, sad, happy, funny, proud, tired, confused, in pain, and joyous.

I've never seen you in love. I don't think I ever will.

I've spent so much time hoping that someday, sometime, something would change or happen or that things would magically fall into place and you'd just see the way I can't help but see.

But that's not going to happen.

And today, finally, what I realized is that I deserve for it to happen. If not you, then with someone else. I deserve someone to care about me the way I care about you. To think about me and hope for the best for me and want to keep seeing me every day at my best or at my worst. To witness all that comes and still want to be by my side the way I wish you'd let me be by yours.

This would be easier if I could just break away from you and move on. And we may drift apart, in fact I think it's likely now. And it makes me sad. Right now, typing this, my eyes are stinging and my throat is full, but I still know that I can't do this limbo of stupid delusion and hopefulness much longer. I kept thinking if I could just be persistent enough I'd finally be the one to break through your wall. I forgot you are on the inside building much faster than I can work my way in.

I still want the best for you. I always will. I think I'll always have a corner of my heart and my mind that hopes you'll want to claim them. But it's time I acknowledge that you won't.
 Posted 9/3/2007 12:08 AM - 33 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments

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